your parents love me but you hate me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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