I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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