thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
