my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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