He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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