dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
