in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
