The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
