I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if only i could text you this smell
honey bunches of taint.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize