Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
