Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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