dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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