Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
