some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
