True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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