When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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