why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
