thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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