when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
