im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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