I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He kissed a someone with a penis
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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