Me too!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
