He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
