just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
