Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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