Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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