Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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