im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
