"it" just moved
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
