so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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