I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
