guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Panties = found
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
