Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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