Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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