i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
