he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
