Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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