alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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