I wish I only lived at night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
