Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
