You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
