This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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