There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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