dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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