I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
