There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
