The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
