my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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