the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
