you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
