Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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