Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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