Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
