some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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