No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
