2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
