her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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