Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
