You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
