hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
