Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So many bounce houses so little time
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
