once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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