So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
