Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
