i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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