I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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