Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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